Adventures with Skunk Number Six

I knew there was at least one more skunk living under the Carriage House. The telltale signs of digging around the west side of the building were all the evidence I needed.

So, I once again set out two traps. I move them to different spots every night in hopes that the skunk will not recognize the threat if it's not there the next evening.

I took a hotdog and broke it into three pieces. One goes right at the entrance, another just before the trip plate, and the biggest one goes past the trip plate.

And then, I went to bed.

I awake every day at Oh Dark Thirty with only three things on my agenda. Eat Something! Eat Anything! Eat Everything!

Don't take me for pig. I have waaaay too much fur for that. Besides, I'm discriminating. There is a back porch near here where they serve these hard crunchy kibbles. It's not bad when you have a tough night of foraging, but that's usually the last stop. On a good night, I'll come upon a mouse. I looooove to eat dem mousies!

On this particular night, I walked out the door and right away caught a whiff of something that wasn't me. I followed the smell and discovered this cold little mouse shaped thing that tasted like every kind of meat in the world rolled into one. It was soft like a mouse and tasty like a mouse but without the horrible struggle.

I finished that off and saw another just over there. As soon as I finished that one I saw a great big one just a few inches away. I snarfed it down and...what was that loud bang.

The alarm went off at five. I managed a couple of snoozes before getting up and going down to check the traps. At this time of the morning, I hope to find empty traps because that means I can go back to bed for another hour or so.

It's October now so it is still pretty dark at this time of the morning. I turn on the porch lights and check the first trap. It's empty. I'm half way back to bed.

The second trap is around behind a shrub. I stroll over and peek around the bush.

This sucks! It seems like I've been sitting here for hours. I can't dig through anything and I can't find the door I came in. And now there's a bright light coming from over that way. I can hear some noise but I can't see anything.

It sounds like something is coming this way. I can see a shadow. I can see...I can see a .....

Oh, it's one of those annoying hairless pink things. My God, they are a scourge. They walk around above my home all day long making lots of noise and acting like they own the place.

It's making some loud noise and jumping up and down. Jeez that thing is disgusting. I should nail him just for general purposes.

"SCORE!" I yell, hoping I didn't say it too loud. The skunk is a young one. He seems pretty calm. That is always a good sign. I dash upstairs and announce to Susan that I am off to the Skunk Dump. She asks a couple of questions in her sleepy voice and tumbles off back to sleep.

I go out and get the truck ready. I grab my protective tarp and return to the scene of the skunk.

Okay, now this hideous pinky has inflated himself into a giant blue square. He's walking up to the cage and making his stupid noises. I just sat there and watched him as he came closer and closer. I wanted him to be nice and close when i turned my ass towards him and let him have it.

But then, the blueness fell over me and I couldn't see the pink thing. My whole world started shifting and shaking and suddenly I could see the ground below me moving. This went on for a little bit until the ground became metal and stopped moving. I heard a bunch more noises going on all around me outside of the blue.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumble like thunder when it rains. There was a bunch more shaking and then it's like I'm swaying back and forth and all over this little blue space.

I got the cage into the back of the pickup truck and moved the tarp around it so it wouldn't blow off during the trip.

I fired up the truck and we drove to an undisclosed location I like to refer to as the Skunk Dump. It's about ten miles away and definitely what one would consider "rural".

For what seemed like a lunchtime, I was swaying all over the cage as the loud rumbling rumbled.

When it finally stopped, I could hear the pink thing walking around. Suddenly, the blue square moves away and there is an opening. I rush towards it but stop just short of going out. Is this another trick? I don't recognize the smells, sights or sounds of this area. Screw it! I'm going!

When we got to the Skunk Dump, I gingerly pulled the cage from the back of the truck and placed it on the ground. I reached for the door and prepared for the skunk to bolt for freedom. This guy was wary of freedom and kind of waited a bit before waddling across the parking lot and into the brush. He clearly had no idea where he was going as he was traversing all over the place.

Having taken care of my part of the deal, I got in the truck and drove away.

Holy Shit! Where am I? None of this looks familiar. What the heck am I going to do now. i've been separated from my family. i'm out here in unfamiliar territory. I'm going to go spray that pink thing.

Hey! Where'd he go!?!

(This post is a work in progress and I reserve the right to add and edit as I see fit)