Dear Scumbag,

I walked out of the house this morning and saw that you had visited us over the night.

You left the car door of Susan's Honda open when you were finished with your ransacking, which I find most discourteous. It was good that the battery didn't get drained from having the dome light on all night.

I hope you were able to find what you were after. The two pairs of prescription sunglasses you took will serve you well, providing they match your prescription, which I doubt.

I commend you on your attention to detail. You managed to take the items that would screw Susan over the most. She'll have to spend about three hundred dollars to replace those glasses.

You are a parasite of the worst order. You have no value to society and you are the reason I support the death penalty. Preferably, a slow, cruel painful death penalty.

I am using all my will power to keep from unleashing a hail of obscenity laced insults upon your worthless waste of skin self. But that would require your ability to read from the computer you stole for it to be effective.

So go forth and have a good life. My only solace is the knowledge that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, you cowardly low-life fuck-wad piece of shit.

Oops! Somehow the obscenity got out!