Happy Halloween

Hershey Bars..........................36
Three Muskateers.................18
Starburst.................................18
M&M Plain..............................36
M&M Peanut..........................36
Skittles....................................24
Snickers..................................48
Butterfinger...........................40
Nestles Crunch......................40
Baby Ruth..............................40

Total Full Size Candy Bars 336

Fun Size Candy Bars...........338

Twizzlers Licorice Sticks.....360

Money Spent on Candy: Couple Hun
Filling the diapers of some two year old cuz we're soooo scary: Priceless

One Day to Halloween

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I ponder drunk and blurry, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten beer, while I tossed back the results of brewing, suddenly there came a chewing, as of something gently gnawing, gnawing on my chamber door.

Okay, the rhyming is off. Clearly, I'm no E.A. Poe. I thought that writing poetry, however poorly plagiarised, would have a calming effect on me. I just had to calm down from the Damn Squirrel. Yesterday's home remedy treatment of mothballs and cayenne pepper didn't seem to surcease his squirrely whiles. I came home last night and there among more shards of siding, were smashed mothballs on the ground.

So I went out and bought some Squirrel AwayTM...a spray that allows me to soak the area with a very irritating formulation. As I was up on the roof spraying this stuff around, I caught wind of it. It was burning my eyes and making me cough. So at least I know it will keep me off the roof. I'll find out tonight if it is effective on Chewie the Chewer!

If not, we may have a bloodier Halloween display than I thought.

Two Days to Halloween

Today's vituperative subject concerns Squirrels.

Squirrels are the majority population of species living around the Park. They easily out number peoples. The whole neighborhood is a giant Squirrel City. They have Squirrel Malls, Squirrel Office Buildings, Squirrel Apartment Complexes, and of course, Squirrel Starbuck's.

I have been managing one of the Food Courts for the Southwest Squirrel Mall. I spend about five bucks a week on peanuts. At one time, the Food Court had a wonderful Squirrel Feeder. But, the Gansta Squirrels chewed the hell out of it and ruined it for all the other Squirrels. I have yet to replace the Squirrel Feeder.

Then there was the Hoodlum Squirrel that decided to chew into the soffit on the eves of the house and establish some sort of Squirrel Crack House. I had to put up a metal barrier and then replace the trim that got all chewed up. Damn Squirrel chewed right through the new trim the next day but couldn't get past the metal. I have yet to replace the trim.

I came home last night and noticed a bunch of shards of wood all over the back steps. Upon closer investigation, some low life Hooligan Squirrel chewed the hell out of the siding up next to the roof in an attempt to find shelter.

I hope he enjoys his chewing today. The whole area is laced with Cayenne Pepper and Moth Balls. The Food Court is no longer in business. The area is blighted anyway. The tree needs to come down to make way for a larger garage. That's progress in Squirrel Town.

And now, a word about Halloween.

Three Days to Halloween

I spent last night putting together a new Halloween Decoration that we bought. One of the instructions caught my attention. It said to be sure and wash your hands thoroughly after assembly as the decoration is made with lead-based paint. Another fine product from China. I'm getting close to boycotting anything made in China. The only problem with that is I would not be able to buy ANYTHING!

Anyway, the new decoration is a skeleton in a coffin. It moves back and forth and is sort of okay. I don't want our house to look too much like any other house that can go out and buy a bunch of stuff. We've tried to create our own style of scary decorations. When we do buy something, we usually try to add to it or use it in a different way.

On a different note, we saw our one remaining skunk last night. It's definitely a young one and we only saw the one, so I'm pretty sure he's the last. I'm going to set a trap again tonight and see if I can score. I better make arrangement for a truck first.

Four Days to Halloween

Our Fourth Annual Pumpkin Carving Party was a success. We were worried about the turnout but it worked out great; just the right amount of peoples.

With the party behind us and ten new pumpkins to add to our collection, we should have a mellow week leading up to Friday Night. I'm really looking forward to it. We have several people coming to the house to help hand out candy and scare children. Susan is making a big pot o'Chili and there will be plenty of adult beverages available.

I haven't got the actual count yet but I think we have over 700 pieces of candy to dole out. The first three hundred candy bars are full size. I'm going to hold back one box (or maybe just half a box) for later in the night. And I'm going to attempt to enforce the No Costume/No Candy Law. One can get candy if one doesn't have a costume, but one had better have a good dance routine prepared for oneself or no candy for you. And what kind of a name is "One"?!

Five Days to Halloween

Friday night was the annual neighborhood progressive dinner. We do it just before Halloween every year and this year was a great success. I would say we had about 35 people. Susan and I hosted the hors d'oeuvre portion of the dinner. As you can see from the items above, I have married Martha Stewart.

After our house, we went down the street to the Nelson's house. We had not met them before nor had we been in their house. We love it when we get to go into a house we haven't snooped through yet.

I was very jealous of them because they have wonderfully framed, old pictures of their house. They look like they may have been taken in the 20's or there abouts. I would love to see old pictures of our house and the people who lived here. It would be so informative to see how things looked when the house was new.

I got so involved with visiting and checking things out, I forgot to take any pictures. Except for one item at the Nelson's house. They have a beautiful little study/library that they had built. The bookcase was magnificent and I took pictures of it to reference when we build a small bookcase upstairs.

Tonight is our Pumpkin carving party. We have no idea how many people will be here. It could be eight...it could be 25. I guess we shall see. I'll try to remember to take pictures.

Times and Prices a-Changin'

Three months ago, the price of gas was so bad that I decided to ride my bike to work rather than dole out $4.00 a gallon to the Oil Companies. Today, I can buy gas for $2.96 a gallon and it appears that it will continue to go lower. I wish I was able to understand why it fluctuates so. Demand hasn't dropped. It doesn't seem like there is a glut of oil on the market. Oh sure, the economy sucks and the stock market is tanking every day. But nobody knows why.

I should be buying cheap gas cans and stocking up on petrol. Unfortunately, I'm not that forward thinking. Not even now that I'm thinking about it.

I actually considered riding the bicycle this morning. Then I saw it was 27 degrees. Then I remembered that I'm still a pussy. So I drove.

It's a busy weekend of parties coming up. We are hosting the first leg of the neighborhood progressive Halloween dinner on Friday night. Therefore, some people who shall remain Susan, are on a mad cleaning jag...and forcing me to join the jag.

Sunday is our fourth annual Punkin Party. We always put a lot of Jack-o-lanterns in the yard and so we invite friends over to help us carve. We also invite our neighbor Tammy over to serve as Judge for the many exciting prize categories we have.

But I can't write any more now. I have cleaning to do.

Anniversary Trip

We are writing to you LIVE from Walla Walla, Washington. It's the town they liked so much they named it twice.

We have been attending many wineries and sampling their products and then napping A LOT!

We have purchased about five bottles of wine that we will put down in the basement for a later date. Perhaps tomorrow.

We stayed in a private home that is available for rent. It's very cool cuz it's just like having a house. They have everything you would have at home including a computer with high speed Internet.

Time to sign off as we have to get outta here by 11:00. Then it's off to more wineries and then home.

LATER THAT SAME DAY:

We have successfully made it home after a long drive with many stops at wineries. We hit about five more wineries between Walla Walla and Pasco. In total, we bought 11 bottles of wine at an estimated total of around $300.00. Most of those bottles we are going to stick in the basement for a few years and enjoy them when they have aged properly...or we run out of cheap wine.

As I look back on the whole weekend, it was a pretty pretentious activity. Driving around to all the Vineyards, swirling glasses of wine and pretending we can taste the floral bouquets of cinnamon and berries highlighted by the rich tannins and leathery mouth feel that explodes into a cascade of adjectives.

Don't get me wrong. It was fun and we'll do it again. But it was still pretentious.

New Art

We finally added a picture to the wall up on the landing. We have been very picky about what goes up on the walls. As such, we don't have much art to display.

I was going through some of my dad's old stuff that we have stored here and came upon this print. It was in a neat old plaster frame that was pretty beat up. I took it to my local framer and she put this together. It looks fabulous.

The print is an old serigraph from an English artist named Fred Morgan. This picture is pretty typical of his style; idyllic childhood scenes. I don't think it's worth a whole bunch other than the $250.00 it cost for framing.

4th

Yesterday, Susan and I celebrated our fourth anniversary as a married entity. We didn't do anything special as we have plans for the future to celebrate the event properly.

In the meantime, we are progressing to getting the house "Halloweened" up, along with the many events and parties we are participating in for Halloween. The Halloween House (our major decorating competition on the park) is getting their stuff out on the lawn. They have a nice light display that changes to scary music you can hear over your car radio. It's a nice gimmick, and I'm sure it's very impressive to today's attention deficit society. But we believe that the low budget classic display that we are developing will stand the test of time and still look good when the power goes out. And...we're jealous!

Into the Sun

My morning drive to work is a bit difficult this time of year. The sun is just peeking over the mountains as I head east to Liberty Lake. If I drive fast, I can beat it before it comes up and blinds me. The closer I get to Liberty Lake, the closer I get to the mountain that blocks the sun. So even while it is cresting, I can keep it behind the mountain. It's a little competition I have.

Clearly, I have no reason to be making an entry today.

Fabulous Fall Festival of Fun

Sunday was a beautiful Fall day. It was 29 degrees when I got up at 7:00 to check the skunk traps. Had I caught one, I would have felt bad about making it sit out there in the cold. However, no skunk took advantage of my treats and the cages were empty. So I went back to bed.

As the day wore on, the temperature got up into the crisp and comfy 50's. We did a final clean up on the backyard around the Carriage House. We had firewood to move and lots of extraneous boards to toss or put away. I loaded up the truck with a bed full of leaves and chestnuts, plus some other garbage. I worked pretty hard but it was so enjoyable being outside that I just kept on working.

As the sun went down, I fired up the stump fire and burned a few pieces of wood that didn't make the firewood pile or the dump. It's always great to end the day round the traditional stump fire.

Philosophy 101

Today I shall examine some of the more philosophical and existential aspects concerning the state of being. Most specifically, sleeping in.

Truly one of the great pleasures of life, sleeping in also creates one of the great paradoxes of life. Sleeping in on a day you can is never as good as sleeping in on a day you cannot. I don't know what it is exactly that makes sleeping in when you have to get up so much better. You feel more comfortable; you feel more contented, even with the knowledge hanging over you that you have to get up.

We slept in this morning and made it better by creating the false urgency of lots to do today. It was FABULOUS! Now, I have to go and do lots of things.

Autumn Battle

Now that the Furnace Contest is over, we move on to a much more complex and ferocious battleground. The leaves have begun to fall and with them, the little spiky pods that break open and deposit rock hard chestnuts all about the property. Fortunately, we have only two trees in the yard that produce this vermin but they are tall and they are prolific.

I began the offensive last night when I got home from work. With the help of the Tecumseh 2000 leaf sucker vacuum, the Abrams Tank in my Autumn yard care arsenal, I captured a couple bushels of the enemy and established a solid beach head from which to unleash my wrath.

Unfortunately, one limitation to my Abrams Tank is the inability to suck up the chestnuts. It gets the leafs but leaves the nuts. Nonetheless, I got the front yard all cleaned up and looking nice. It should all be back to the way it was by tonight.

The Heat Game Grande Finale

At 5:58 PM on October 8th, the furnace was turned on, shattering the previous record by five days. We probably could have made it one more day, but I just couldn't get excited about it, having already broke, nay; shattered the record by five days.

In honor of turning on the furnace, I shall open my wallet and throw money into it.

Quiescence

It was 29 degrees when I left the house this morning. A couple of temperature signs along the way to work displayed 33 and 37 degrees. Whatever the real temperature may be, I think we can all agree that when you get down below 40, it's okay to turn your furnace on.

And yet, our furnace remains dormant.

Also, our skunk remains free. I shall make efforts to rectify both situations tonight.

Got Skunks!

As I left for work, I went out to the Carriage House to observe the situation with regard to the removal of all skunks. There was digging. I still got em!

I am returning the truck I have been borrowing for the last several weeks so I don't have any way to remove this (hopefully) last little bastard. I'll give whoever is left down there a week or so to forget about the traps. Then I will try again.

I replaced all the boards at the base of the Carriage House yesterday. I put down pressure treated boards so I don't have to worry about them rotting or being attacked by bugs. Until yesterday, that wasn't a concern of mine. Then I started removing the old boards and came upon this.
Ronnie my painter had already told me I had Carpenter Ants. I sprayed around the base of the building and that seemed to have gotten them. But when I started pounding and pulling on this one board, they were dropping out like...well, a hoard of ants.

I grabbed the spray and hosed down the whole side. I counted at least ten queens. Those are the larger, flying ants. They all died painfully and with honor.

So, I finished up replacing the boards. Crawling around on my knees, moving heavy boards into place, replace boards that I didn't get into position properly, doing that again, doing that again, hammering hammering hammering; I developed a new sense of respect for people who do that kind of work everyday. There is no way I could do that in my present condition. I'm not sure I was ever in a condition to do that kind of work. (wimp)

However, I slept really well.

Angry Number Eight

If this were the World Wide Smellernet and you happened to be viewing this blog on an Olfactotron 8000 Smell-a-puter, you would no doubt be noticing the layered fragrances and delicate redolence of Angrous Skunkalicious, more commonly known as your standard Carriage House Skunk.

I got up at 6:30 this morning to check my traps. I knew when I opened the backdoor that I had something. (Refer back to layered fragrances) Sure enough I had a young skunker, perhaps slightly larger than the one I caught yesterday and he was agitated.

If you look closely, you can see the pugnacity of his countenance and general disdain for me in particular. As soon as I held up the tarp, he sprayed at me. This time, the spray was not a glob of skunk juice but more like several smaller globs. I'm sure it hit the tarp, if not with his initial release, then with one of the many that followed.

Our proximity to the spray was enough for it to glom on to my clothes.

I took a shower once we returned and my clothes are in the washer. Hopefully I was contaminated by a mild contact high and nothing more serious than that.

So, that's Number 8 out at the Skunk Dump, rejoined with his breathren. I hope it's the last.

Skunk # Se7en

I checked the traps a little after 5:00AM and was pleased and a tad upset that I had a skunk to deal with. Pleased because I got another and upset because I got another one.

It generally takes about an hour to bundle them up, get them on the truck, drive to Skunk Dump, dump and return.

That's a substantial part of my morning when you consider I had to be at my bartending vocation at 7ish.

Anyway, all went well with this catch and release and that's all I have to say about that.

I would like to mention that we have made it past October Third without benefit of furnace. Everyday now is a record. A record to cherish and revel in and celebrate there upon..of it...
and thereby unto forthwith.

Go to www.lawyer.com for translation.

Driving in Spokane

Somewhere in this town, there is a heavy set, middle-aged Italian looking woman telling everyone in her office about the ASSHOLE that wouldn't let her on the freeway.

Well Madam, I think you should discover the wonderful magic that occurs when one employs the use of ones turn signals. Had you done that, I would happily move over a lane and let you in. Since you did not take advantage of this STANDARD EQUIPMENT found on EVERY CAR EVER MADE, I did not feel obligated or inclined to move for you.

It is unfortunate that she was unable to see the joy on my face from the brief tongue lashing she gave me.

In other driving related matters, the city has just finished installing three Photo-Red intersections around town. A camera snaps a picture of the intersection every time the light turns red. If there is a car in the picture, the owner of the vehicle gets a ticket for $124.00. One of these intersections is one I drive through every morning on my way to work.

Yesterday, the light turned to yellow as I approached the intersection. There was a split second there were I was going to go for it, but then remembered the camera. As I waited for the light to turn green, I remembered hearing on the news that they are giving warning tickets for the first month. The ticket will be for real starting November first.

I want one of these warning tickets. I would like to see the picture. I would like to see my car in the picture. I would display it proudly on my refrigerator.

As I approached the intersection this morning, I knew I was in that zone where the lights are about to change. Unfortunately, they changed on me a block too soon.

I was sooooooooo pissed about missing the opportunity to get a Photo-Red Warning ticket that I blocked this heavy set, middle-aged Italian looking woman from getting on the freeway.

Skunks and Electrical Current

The traps were undisturbed. The hole was not. Therefore, we still have a skunk(s). I'm going to have to switch bait because the hot dogs were undisturbed as well.

The Carriage House painting project is coming along. If the weather holds, it should be completed this weekend. That being said, there is no way the weather will hold.

I have been doing a little project the last few days, installing an outdoor electrical outlet on the front of the Carriage House. As I look back at the evolution of this simple little project, the delays caused by changing my mind and/or not having the right parts has turned a one hour project into a week long comedy of Fubars.

First, I planned to mount a big ol' clunky Weather-Proof box to the outside of the Carriage House. Then it occurred to me that I have total access to the wall and I could mount a recessed outlet with a Weather-Proof face plate; a much less clunky option.

I cut the hole. I ran the wire. I could not find my GFCI outlet. That meant I had to go buy one and that could wait until the next day.

I purchased my outlet and got it wired and screwed into the box. My Weather-Proof face plate did not match the screws on the GFCI outlet. That meant I had to go buy one and that could wait until the next day.

I have now purchased the correct face plate. I will screw that into place before tonight's big Vice-Presidential debate. I will also try to finish up the wiring but I have a sneaking suspicion that I will need to buy something and then that will have to wait until the next day.

Adventures with Skunk Number Six

I knew there was at least one more skunk living under the Carriage House. The telltale signs of digging around the west side of the building were all the evidence I needed.

So, I once again set out two traps. I move them to different spots every night in hopes that the skunk will not recognize the threat if it's not there the next evening.

I took a hotdog and broke it into three pieces. One goes right at the entrance, another just before the trip plate, and the biggest one goes past the trip plate.

And then, I went to bed.

I awake every day at Oh Dark Thirty with only three things on my agenda. Eat Something! Eat Anything! Eat Everything!

Don't take me for pig. I have waaaay too much fur for that. Besides, I'm discriminating. There is a back porch near here where they serve these hard crunchy kibbles. It's not bad when you have a tough night of foraging, but that's usually the last stop. On a good night, I'll come upon a mouse. I looooove to eat dem mousies!

On this particular night, I walked out the door and right away caught a whiff of something that wasn't me. I followed the smell and discovered this cold little mouse shaped thing that tasted like every kind of meat in the world rolled into one. It was soft like a mouse and tasty like a mouse but without the horrible struggle.

I finished that off and saw another just over there. As soon as I finished that one I saw a great big one just a few inches away. I snarfed it down and...what was that loud bang.

The alarm went off at five. I managed a couple of snoozes before getting up and going down to check the traps. At this time of the morning, I hope to find empty traps because that means I can go back to bed for another hour or so.

It's October now so it is still pretty dark at this time of the morning. I turn on the porch lights and check the first trap. It's empty. I'm half way back to bed.

The second trap is around behind a shrub. I stroll over and peek around the bush.

This sucks! It seems like I've been sitting here for hours. I can't dig through anything and I can't find the door I came in. And now there's a bright light coming from over that way. I can hear some noise but I can't see anything.

It sounds like something is coming this way. I can see a shadow. I can see...I can see a .....

Oh, it's one of those annoying hairless pink things. My God, they are a scourge. They walk around above my home all day long making lots of noise and acting like they own the place.

It's making some loud noise and jumping up and down. Jeez that thing is disgusting. I should nail him just for general purposes.

"SCORE!" I yell, hoping I didn't say it too loud. The skunk is a young one. He seems pretty calm. That is always a good sign. I dash upstairs and announce to Susan that I am off to the Skunk Dump. She asks a couple of questions in her sleepy voice and tumbles off back to sleep.

I go out and get the truck ready. I grab my protective tarp and return to the scene of the skunk.

Okay, now this hideous pinky has inflated himself into a giant blue square. He's walking up to the cage and making his stupid noises. I just sat there and watched him as he came closer and closer. I wanted him to be nice and close when i turned my ass towards him and let him have it.

But then, the blueness fell over me and I couldn't see the pink thing. My whole world started shifting and shaking and suddenly I could see the ground below me moving. This went on for a little bit until the ground became metal and stopped moving. I heard a bunch more noises going on all around me outside of the blue.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumble like thunder when it rains. There was a bunch more shaking and then it's like I'm swaying back and forth and all over this little blue space.

I got the cage into the back of the pickup truck and moved the tarp around it so it wouldn't blow off during the trip.

I fired up the truck and we drove to an undisclosed location I like to refer to as the Skunk Dump. It's about ten miles away and definitely what one would consider "rural".

For what seemed like a lunchtime, I was swaying all over the cage as the loud rumbling rumbled.

When it finally stopped, I could hear the pink thing walking around. Suddenly, the blue square moves away and there is an opening. I rush towards it but stop just short of going out. Is this another trick? I don't recognize the smells, sights or sounds of this area. Screw it! I'm going!

When we got to the Skunk Dump, I gingerly pulled the cage from the back of the truck and placed it on the ground. I reached for the door and prepared for the skunk to bolt for freedom. This guy was wary of freedom and kind of waited a bit before waddling across the parking lot and into the brush. He clearly had no idea where he was going as he was traversing all over the place.

Having taken care of my part of the deal, I got in the truck and drove away.

Holy Shit! Where am I? None of this looks familiar. What the heck am I going to do now. i've been separated from my family. i'm out here in unfamiliar territory. I'm going to go spray that pink thing.

Hey! Where'd he go!?!

(This post is a work in progress and I reserve the right to add and edit as I see fit)

Skunk Number Six